The Merkins are a musical band dedicated to the horror of all occasions! The holidays rarely rhyme with horror or slasher flicks. But The Merkins somehow make it work.
The Holiday Cheers All Around
“In my life, I’ve done a lot of waiting: Waiting on Halloween to come back around…as I stood in line and did some deep thinking, I realized I could celebrate Halloween all year round.”
— Michael Myers as Forrest Gump
That’s right, Biters. I meant to have this article out for October, but I missed that deadline. But that’s okay because, as goths, we let our Halloween spirit run all year long, including the Winter Solstice / Yule / Christmas.
So rather than wait yet another year, let’s talk slashers, let’s talk boy bands, Biters, let’s talk The Merkins.
Joining YouTube back in 2015 with 820k subscribers, odds are you’ve come across these guys or one of their musical alter egos, most notably The Slashstreet Boys.
Because We Want It That Way
So, a question for you, how do you turn these 80s killers from predators to prey and have them run away from the final girl? Instead of chasing them, you turn them into a 90s boy band.
I’m going to start off with Slashing Bodies. The song is two minutes long. Not only does this give us a small taste of what the channel has grown into and showcase their many devotions and skill sets, but it’s where we get the slashers at their purest to cannon before the shift to the parody iterations.
My Music Taste Is All Over The Place
If you haven’t been able to tell from past articles, my musical taste is all over the map. The Merkins‘ musical talent and mimicry span multiple genres.
The Slashstreet Boys are iconic, but I enjoy their solo endeavours way more. They can do everything from rock to grunge to country and rap.
While Freddy Krueger and Leatherface stay in their respective genre of rap and country, the standout for me is Michael Myers for his versatility.
Mike Myers has done the boy band stuff, sure, but away from the group, he’s also done R&B soul as ‘George Michael Myers,’ and my favorite for him is when he went rapping to bring us, Vanilla Mike.
Remember How To Survive Leatherface?
Now Biters, if you were here for our: How To Survive A Slasher week of articles, you’ll know I have a relatively low opinion of the Leatherface intimidation factor.
Let me tell you, The Merkins did him no favors in that regard. However, they gave me the Leatherface I know and love instead of that cowering man-child I saw in the dreaded Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Next Generation movie.
We get a burly, more confident country singer showing real sex appeal. That said, it’s still hard to find him intimidating when he’s acting like a stereotypical sorority girl at a college car wash fundraiser.
So Much To Praise, So Little Time
One of the other things I love about The Merkins is they don’t just stick to the big four: Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, Leatherface. They’ve also portrayed Pinhead, Candyman, Ghostface, Regan MacNeil, Hannibal Lecter, and not just one but both versions of Pennywise.
These guys have such love and understanding of horror and music. Not only does it show in their work, but it is what allows them to take these beloved icons and put them in these new environments. It feels like a respectful parody and not an insulting mockery.
I doubt this review will get to The Merkins, but I’d love to see them tackle Aerosmith‘s Dream On using Freddy. It’d be a neat challenge since they love to keep his voice low and gravelly.
The song has that iconic high note, but I have solutions. If you want to keep the lyric, have him do what he does best: chase some poor girl to mock her by leaving lines on her face with his glove. Her screaming can even take care of the high note.
I can even see this being a sing-off/duet, like Glee had Jason come in and steal Freddy’s thunder with the high note, like how he kept taking his kills in Freddy vs Jason.
Can you visualize this, Biters, swapping out “all these lines on my face” for “all these burns?”
Some Of My Recommendations
Enough with what-ifs. Let’s get back to what they’ve done and discuss playlist recommendations. For me, Bitters, the ones I listen to most are:
• I’ll Kill You That Way: I Want It That Way by BackStreet Boys.
• Sawing You Apart: Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus.
• Man In The Box: Man In The Box by Alice In Chains.
• Slice, Slice, Baby: Ice, Ice, Baby by Vanilla Ice.
• K.W.A.: Straight Out Of Compton by N.W.A.
• XXX Slasher Cypher
Well, Biters, that’s all I got. A very late Happy Halloween and somewhat early, Happy Winter Solstice/Yule/Christmas!
If you somehow missed the epic boy band, the Slashstreet Boys, or have been a long-time fan already, why not swing by The Merkin‘s channel and give them a watch?
© Gothic Bite Magazine 