We often hear growing up that we are going through a phase. We hear that nothing is the end of the world. But some found their paths young.
An Unusual Childhood
Living the Goth life at thirty-five years old is not easy. Growing up, I was in many different courses, all the arts you can think about and even model. Like most children of my age, I also watched the Walt Disney movies reborn from the 90s. The Lion King was my favorite…it dealt with death.
Because my grandparents raised me, my view of life was different than others. I grew up Catholic/Christian and went to church every Sunday. I was in the choir and the church group. I participated in extra curriculum activity the group had in association with my school.
Senior centers where elderly people grew old without any visitors were my favorite. I would spend time with them and take care of them the best I could. Strangely enough, I preferred sitting with seniors and ask them about their youth than children.
The Stereotype Of Death
Now that you know a little side of me that leads to understanding where it began let’s dig deeper. I didn’t wear the part until I turned eighteen, but the Goth style is more than wearing clothes.
I was born Goth. This is not a decision because it is who I am at my core. Preferring the night to the day, the cold colors to the warmth, and death over life. Death…what a harsh word, isn’t it? But saying you love death doesn’t mean you hate life.
On the contrary, it means you cherish every moment given to you so that others may never understand. It means that once death comes and it will, your life was a precious one. Also, death is a crucial part of life. Without death, no one would see life’s beauty.
My favorite places to hang out, aside from nature, are cemeteries. I love the company of those who passed. Maybe because I love the elderly so much that cemeteries are my way to keep them company even once they died.
It’s The Horror Movies’ Fault
I started watching horror movies at a very young age. I enjoyed all of them. Aside from sneaking behind my grandpa’s chair to watch JAWS, I saw something. I watched the Disney movie Return To Oz when I was a toddler. It might not be a typical horror movie, but those cut-off heads talking and those people’s limbs tied-up to wheels were strange to a toddler!
When a tween each Friday, my friends and I would have a horror movie marathon. We would go to our nearest Blockbuster—remember I was born in the mid-eighties—and choose equally classics and B horror movies to watch. It was a blast but also had my brain starts questioning the night, the folklores and legends.
Those were the years where I came to the realization that I was different. My passion for the unexplained and the strange occurrences in the world fascinated me. I loved the night, and the darker, the better. My wardrobe would change, and so did my view of the world.
Horror movies didn’t do anything terrible to me. On the contrary, it had me question history and what humans kept within. Those impulses and dark thoughts, if not exorcised in some shape or form, what could happen? Some of us must ask the question.
Be Yourself Everyone Else Is Taken
I tried to be someone else, you know, the typical girl next door always happy and wearing pink. It didn’t work. I tried to act like a fashionista and a Barbie, and it didn’t work either. The paranormal and the night kept pulling me back in.
When I learned my husband enjoyed the paranormal and horror movies, it changed me. I didn’t have to be someone else with him. I could be myself. Growing up as a Goth but keeping it locked within is painful. It feels as if you are burying yourself alive for the pleasure of others. Living the Goth life at thirty-five is hard when you feel the judgemental looks people give you.
Being Goth and accepting it shows the world you are okay to be laughed at, put in a box, and bullied. People make fun of Goths, calling us creeps, freaks, weirdos, and more. But if you’re my age, you’re also facing the “Grow up!” or “Oooh, a vampire!” and whatnot. Like I want to be wearing a tailored suit and smile ironically.
The one “style” people are less tolerant of is Goth. I firmly believe it is because if history taught us one thing about human behavior is this: people are afraid of what they do not understand. Goths to them rhyme with death, emo, depression, devil, and witches. They think it’s a fashion statement when it isn’t. Goth is a lifestyle one is born with, not a choice.
Which Shade Of Black Today?
At my age, living the Goth life at thirty-five is different. Ever since I was a kid I was Goth but fully for about seventeen years, I can say for sure no one knows what it is. Assumptions and ridicule are what other people act like when facing one Goth.
Flash News, I’m not a Satanist. Though I know a lot about the subject, not what you think. I’m not a witch but a Pagan Christian, it means I love nature and believe in heaven. I do not smile, not because I don’t enjoy life. I just don’t feel obligated to make others feel comfortable.
Yes, I wear a lot of black, and my favorite is Midnight Black. Yes, I do prefer metal music and Goth music as well as classical composers to other styles. My favorite movies are horror ones of all sub-genres. I am part stereotypical, I guess, but not the way one might think.
My wardrobe shows lots of shades of blacks, and I love it. I can be me. The night is my time and the paranormal my home. Don’t confuse me with your Goth definition. Also, do not say, “Grow out of it.” That again, Goth is a way of life, not a choice. I let you be yourself, so you let me be me.
Black Is Assured Depression
Because of my age and that I can sometimes look younger than I am often, people are confused. But, my question is this: is there an expiration date on what I should enjoy and dress like I don’t know about?
Why should I comply and kneel before society’s standards just because I’m a Goth at thirty-five years old? I have certifications in demonology, Wicca, cryptozoology, Hoodoo, kitchen witchery, and my favorite, vampireology. My passion is my life. I’m a Gothic Author who lives what she writes.
I grew up with people telling me black is not just sliming, it’s also depression. If you have a black room, it can cause people to turn suicidal or evil. Those are the wrong things to say. I am part of the small percentage of people who have summer depression.
It occurs when there are long hours of sunlight. Because I retain lots of vitamin A, the vitamin that helps your eyes to see in the dark, I see very well at night but must wear sunglasses during the day. Moreover, my skin is not made for lots of sunlight. I often cover my eyes in daylight, either it is grey or sunny outside.
Those beliefs about the color black bringing depression and evil in people are something society created. It is a way to divide people to put them quickly in boxes. Normal people love the sun and wear colors. I despise the word normal.
My Gothic Ways
At thirty-five, I get funny looks from people. Yet, I just wear a pair of black joggings and a Jack Skellington shirt. My husband and I are decorating our house with a horror movie theme of all the classics, and it feels right.
Do not let society tell you that you must grow out of it because you reached a certain age. This is your skin, your identity, and who you are. Goth is a lifestyle of many faces and facets with history throughout the ages. It is not new and won’t die.
There are two things guaranteed in this world; death and taxes. Well, look at that, the number one Goth topic is up. Death. Goth is not going anywhere. Get used to it. Belittling people for what they are is wrong. Because one doesn’t understand doesn’t give them permission to laugh.
I am thirty-five years old, and three years ago, I created Gothic Bite Magazine. I am a fan of Hotel Transylvania The Series, and I am The OCD Vampire. I have a black Vampire Room where I have a bed and my computer to work. I wouldn’t change it for the world. So, living the Goth life at thirty-five is not easy but it is me.